days like this, when i sink into contemplation when i cannot help but contemplate over contemplation itself,is there any damn good in it? am i damning myself by trying to find the good in it?am i losing the details of life,as life rushes past all of us at a fair lip, am i not getting my share because i am focusing too much on the details inner details,like i am turning myself blind, like i am holding back my own breath?
what a drag this is..this dragging myself into mental pits,where i have no means or motive for pulling myself out,i cant possibly be the one who can give myself the helping hand out when i am too busy digging the pit deeper.divulging myself in the fact that i have been miserable most of my life and because of such,i have become very good at being miserable;definately better than most,if this is something to brag about,i am not certain,but i feel to brag about it is better than whining about it, legions whine about their problems and i am making an effort to not be a part of the legions so i will embrace this as part of me as it has embraced me as some kind of nest for which it will grow stronger, able to pollenate from this point...i will be either the bee or the flower..either way, there will be more like who i am now.
and such a realization makes me wonder if i myself am comfortable with the concept of more like me, the concept of a mirror image world pressed against my face,is there anything here that tells me that i am not alone, there is nothing that screams sollitude more than your own reflection, and when all the world is practically your own reflection, then you are practically alone.
but then again,in contrast to such thoughts, the idea of many like us only unlike us in enough details for it to seem like individuality may exist is something that may keep us entertained,something that will prevent us from jumping off of a bridge,into some swirling abysmal blackness,to see what would lie next, something in me says it would only be more disappointment..
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