Body:
the pick-up truck pushed its way through vale at a slow pace,but filled with the restrained energy of its 2 passengers;there was a desire to simply shove the gas pedal through the floor,this was their escape, after all. but instead,,sopia kept a steady pace at just under the 25mph limit.they knew they could really get going once they got on the highway,although it felt like it was farther away than they wanted,the most it was was a ten or so minute drive but ideally,they would have loved it if they could have gone from drive way to freeway,and in this part of oregon, that wasnt uncommon at all,grady grew up on afarm that was only a quarter mile from the highway,also by a bridge and railroad tracks,when puberty hit grady like a torpedeo,he decided to go off on the first of mny unsuccessfull escape attempts fromredneck hell.sophias eyes were fixed on the landscape that she was,hopefully,abandoning forever.she wondered if she would miss it,it was kind of beautifull in its stark barren wasteland kind of way,by looking at the horizon dotted with sagebrush and livestock and wire fences,,between those details,the fine line nothingness of the desert seemed to suggest that by looking just past it you could see into infinity,with god hiding in there somewhere sophia thought there had to be a cloud thrown in there on occasion other wise there would be the risk of a town full of enlightend rednecks kinda sounds like violent pacifsts. then there was of course, the mornings, with the fog covering the hillsides once you stepped out of town, and its funny to drive somwhere, outta town, and the fog,swirrling and churning,and siometimes,you could see the outlines of cows going about their buisness, it was like looking at a loose drawing of such animals,who would have thought that in such a simple area,you could allow your mind to run with such abstract subjects?
with the earth itself looking like a caved in skull in this part of oregon,it was easy to understand how grady and sophia wanted to leave before their lives were lft to mingle with the dust occasionally only stirred up by the wind.and their was a reason to think the area looked like a caved in skull,despite the fact that sophia did think it was beautifull in a way, the cracks in the ground and the complete and utter lack of any sort of visibel life for miles made it seem as though this were a close up on the face of death itself. we are finally gone,sophia said to herself,in what was probably the hundredth time in the couple days when they started packing, and making the calls and preparing to purchase the trailer.sophia heard that jobs were easy to get in twin,in a way she hoped she wouldny get strattled with another service industry jobalthough she could deal with it if she did,she was certain it would be different here anywy,that there would be some sort of sophistication in a town of ten thousand,it may sound like a stretch o say that that sounds likean area n which size justifies a sense of sophistication,but try living in a town of 1700 first. we need music,sophia said. we got music,grady said, as he opened up the plastic bag with cassettes,many of which without cases.the rod stewart cd in which they began their trek had long run out,"time for cyndi lauper" sophia said. "aw,christ," grady said, "what?" "i thought i was going to enjoy this trip" "you gotta problem with this" "yeah, kinda" "well, just what the hell is it?" "i just dont dig that 80s shit" "its not shit! it some of the best music ever made,fuck face," "right,girls just wanna have fun,never with me they dont.bitches." " need i remind you whos driving here?" "no,i am perfectly aware of whose driving.need i remind you whose paying for this whole goddamn thing?i dint invite you along just so i could gag on gay-ass dinosaur music" watch your mouth with the term gay-ass, fucklicker" "why?your a lesbian,i think of lesbians a much cooler than gay.when i say gay ass in this instance,i mean it in a way that some of what she writes sound sugery in way thats meant to be sentimental, i mean if i am beaten to death by a bunch of gay clown with whoopie cushions filled with straps-ons,play time afte time at my funeral. oh, and speaking of lesbians..if you bring a chick home, can i watch?" sophia rolled her eyes .but smiled and lauged under her breath. "you still have that winning personality,grady,"she said. "i know,"grady replied. how odd, sophia thought, that could try so hard to be an asshole,and yet somehow, make it seem charming. "ok, play cyndee lauper"gray said. "but were playing judas priest afterwards". "not a problem,sophia said.
Showing posts with label novel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label novel. Show all posts
Monday, April 9, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
MALHUER chapter one,part two
but, then again,
grady being entertained wasnt really something to be concerned about,he always had a way of stirring up trouble and enjoying it. sometimes, his efforts to distract himself were humorous,like the time his friend blake dared him to give head to a strat cat for ten bucks,two joints and a biographical book about kurt cobain;it had become common knowlege that you you didnt dare grady,especially if he could reap some sort of bennifit from taking you up on the dare,needless to say,grady took up blakes dare,walking away with the money the joints,the book and a few scratches on his face;also claiming that the stray followed him home,that was gradys explaination for his cat,baal.
however, grady also had a dark side.saying darkside,meaning darker than his other side,which somepeople would consider dark,but still it was the side of him that showed a sense of humor that most resembled that of the rest of the human race,and on that sideof his disposition,you could at least want to try and understand what spectres of anguish hysteria,depression or whatever else it was that seemed to rest in the deepest regions of his mind,often sticking out, leaving people to see a somewhat antisocial young man,sometimes his very features would scream "leave me alone or your gonna get cut" without grady having to say a word. it was that side of grady that made the side of him that made the side that most people saw the "lighter side"and it was this darker side that aroused in him his desire to cause trouble that wasnt "fun trouble" but just a show of his sadistic streak that got off on inflicting pain upon others,even if it was something he saw as provoked,usually it was a very,very slight provocation,like that thing with that girl from a couple years ago,ella was her name,whom sophia hadnt met personally,but she heard the story.ella was one of those girls whose names comes up and if you had met her or at least heard of her, somekind of grey blanketof social guilt or sympathy just wrapped around you;ella had an eating disorder,not certain if it was bolemia or anorexia; when she first entered her teens,ella was what one would have called basically pretty,with glasses and a round face with tender and intelligent dark blue eyes along with a mole and olive skin and curly black hair,like her body was trying to find a middle-ground to show both sides of her basque/german bloodline;sje was a bit chunky,but that didnt really halt her from being an attractive teen ager.almost all teenagers have more than a few flaws,but ella took it upon herself to try and make herself perfect,to try and whip herself into shape,a thinner shape.by 16 ella wasnt the somewhat fluffy but healthy looking teenage girl she had been,she was nearly a skelleton,it was unnerving to just to see let alone to talk to this girl,excited about the way she looks,saying she just has to lose ten or 12pounds,and like so many of these fragile young women,she found herself atracted to the disruptive rebellious figure,in this case,grady,whom she had seen around the house often,he being a recent highschool drop out, she asked after gather up courage,if he would to go to the teen dance hall with her this saturday,grady at this point addicted to inflicting pain on others as a way of getting even for the pain he was in,recognised her condition and said,"in your dreams fatass"
turns out gradys sadistic side had its limits.when ellas eysgot to the size of dinner plates the quick smile that flashed on his face and the feeling of GOTCHA that brought a temporary pleasure to him faded quick,and next he saw her he tried apologising,but with ella walking away and usually yelling something like"go fuck yourself ,asshole"which grady deserved,butof which he was perfectly awareand though he said he had no conscience, there was something like one in him that ached severely and the idea of contributing misery on this girl,when it seemed aparent that she had a mountain of it already;still in the comming months there seemed to be something that resembled an unspoken truce,perhaps it was the feelings of alienation in a small town,alienation being the universal language of all teenagers,anyway,and there were a handfull of times afterwards that grady would walk by the cafe and ella would be sitting there, perhaps drinking a coke with a friend,a she would give him a slight wave to which grady would give a muted wave back;perhaps she was expecting more, perhaps she was expecting him to come in at somepoint and say hello or something but grady had felt that because of what he had already done it was best to stay away from her,sophia never really askedgrady how he felt when ella commited suicide.when sophia heard the story later, she thought it was potential material for one of those after school specials,girl get too self conscious, girl tries rememdying what she thinks her problems are,girl alienates friends and family ,girl dies in her room with sarah mclouglin on the stereo,and a stomache full of sleeping pills.thats the way it was told by the folks around here,but from what sophia gathered its tough to tell fi anyone cared about the situation ella was in,none of them could not help but wonder, where the hell were ellas parents,sophia thought that with all of our troubles,one of the biggest factors in our getting so screwed up was wondering where the hell our parents were hen we seemed so close to the edge the only thing that was keeping them from hitting the ground was a breese that blew them back up to the side of the cliff,but somehow thse winds that were so fortunate for her and grady were not able to puh back this thin waif of a woman.as ella plunged,sophia imagined,ella was left alone in that room,not just her bedroom,but in that cold dark windowless room of agony and hopelessnessthat room sitting behind her eyes,and sophia knew that n someway,grady barracaded that door,and that ella couldnt get out.
suicide, that was something that most of the people here whose i.q.s were higher than the livestock contemplated on a regular basis,sophia thought;it is probably easier than than escape, or that is what she thought before this whole situation with befriending grady and just in the nick of time really, he had just turned 18, and decided to sell off the inheritance from his grand- father from a couple years ago,so now that it was all a done deal, since grady would need someone to guide him to keep his ass out of trouble,and he knew it,also, she had been saving up herself, waitressing at the stardust, having to fake that she was flattered by those old,property owning goats and their and their flirts,grady once said that they had to be pathetic,as if you could look at sophia and not see a lesbian,even if you didnt know what a lesbian looked like,sophia looked like one,that ws gradys assumption, at least.and that wasnt even one of gradys worst jibes;once he referred to her as "sofa" or said she could pass for pete roses brother.
but sophia knew he was testing friends, to see how loyal they were,and sohia was going to be loyal at least untill they were setteled,he was her ticket out,and already,they had driven to twin falls before to look at trailers, they think they found the best they could get at that price range, grady sold his property for fairly cheap,fifteen grand,and itll be the small amount that sophia saved up that will pay for the trailer space rent and food until the two of them get jobs there.
just then,sophia herd grady cursing,his head underneath the tarp,'we need the fucking casette tapes or we'll go nuts,'he said.grady stepped in wih a hand full of tapes for the tape deck, his thin index finger pushing a copy of "the best of rod stewart,volume one" into the deck,sophia starts the pickup and they pull out of her drive way,preparing for the newest chapter in their lives.
grady being entertained wasnt really something to be concerned about,he always had a way of stirring up trouble and enjoying it. sometimes, his efforts to distract himself were humorous,like the time his friend blake dared him to give head to a strat cat for ten bucks,two joints and a biographical book about kurt cobain;it had become common knowlege that you you didnt dare grady,especially if he could reap some sort of bennifit from taking you up on the dare,needless to say,grady took up blakes dare,walking away with the money the joints,the book and a few scratches on his face;also claiming that the stray followed him home,that was gradys explaination for his cat,baal.
however, grady also had a dark side.saying darkside,meaning darker than his other side,which somepeople would consider dark,but still it was the side of him that showed a sense of humor that most resembled that of the rest of the human race,and on that sideof his disposition,you could at least want to try and understand what spectres of anguish hysteria,depression or whatever else it was that seemed to rest in the deepest regions of his mind,often sticking out, leaving people to see a somewhat antisocial young man,sometimes his very features would scream "leave me alone or your gonna get cut" without grady having to say a word. it was that side of grady that made the side of him that made the side that most people saw the "lighter side"and it was this darker side that aroused in him his desire to cause trouble that wasnt "fun trouble" but just a show of his sadistic streak that got off on inflicting pain upon others,even if it was something he saw as provoked,usually it was a very,very slight provocation,like that thing with that girl from a couple years ago,ella was her name,whom sophia hadnt met personally,but she heard the story.ella was one of those girls whose names comes up and if you had met her or at least heard of her, somekind of grey blanketof social guilt or sympathy just wrapped around you;ella had an eating disorder,not certain if it was bolemia or anorexia; when she first entered her teens,ella was what one would have called basically pretty,with glasses and a round face with tender and intelligent dark blue eyes along with a mole and olive skin and curly black hair,like her body was trying to find a middle-ground to show both sides of her basque/german bloodline;sje was a bit chunky,but that didnt really halt her from being an attractive teen ager.almost all teenagers have more than a few flaws,but ella took it upon herself to try and make herself perfect,to try and whip herself into shape,a thinner shape.by 16 ella wasnt the somewhat fluffy but healthy looking teenage girl she had been,she was nearly a skelleton,it was unnerving to just to see let alone to talk to this girl,excited about the way she looks,saying she just has to lose ten or 12pounds,and like so many of these fragile young women,she found herself atracted to the disruptive rebellious figure,in this case,grady,whom she had seen around the house often,he being a recent highschool drop out, she asked after gather up courage,if he would to go to the teen dance hall with her this saturday,grady at this point addicted to inflicting pain on others as a way of getting even for the pain he was in,recognised her condition and said,"in your dreams fatass"
turns out gradys sadistic side had its limits.when ellas eysgot to the size of dinner plates the quick smile that flashed on his face and the feeling of GOTCHA that brought a temporary pleasure to him faded quick,and next he saw her he tried apologising,but with ella walking away and usually yelling something like"go fuck yourself ,asshole"which grady deserved,butof which he was perfectly awareand though he said he had no conscience, there was something like one in him that ached severely and the idea of contributing misery on this girl,when it seemed aparent that she had a mountain of it already;still in the comming months there seemed to be something that resembled an unspoken truce,perhaps it was the feelings of alienation in a small town,alienation being the universal language of all teenagers,anyway,and there were a handfull of times afterwards that grady would walk by the cafe and ella would be sitting there, perhaps drinking a coke with a friend,a she would give him a slight wave to which grady would give a muted wave back;perhaps she was expecting more, perhaps she was expecting him to come in at somepoint and say hello or something but grady had felt that because of what he had already done it was best to stay away from her,sophia never really askedgrady how he felt when ella commited suicide.when sophia heard the story later, she thought it was potential material for one of those after school specials,girl get too self conscious, girl tries rememdying what she thinks her problems are,girl alienates friends and family ,girl dies in her room with sarah mclouglin on the stereo,and a stomache full of sleeping pills.thats the way it was told by the folks around here,but from what sophia gathered its tough to tell fi anyone cared about the situation ella was in,none of them could not help but wonder, where the hell were ellas parents,sophia thought that with all of our troubles,one of the biggest factors in our getting so screwed up was wondering where the hell our parents were hen we seemed so close to the edge the only thing that was keeping them from hitting the ground was a breese that blew them back up to the side of the cliff,but somehow thse winds that were so fortunate for her and grady were not able to puh back this thin waif of a woman.as ella plunged,sophia imagined,ella was left alone in that room,not just her bedroom,but in that cold dark windowless room of agony and hopelessnessthat room sitting behind her eyes,and sophia knew that n someway,grady barracaded that door,and that ella couldnt get out.
suicide, that was something that most of the people here whose i.q.s were higher than the livestock contemplated on a regular basis,sophia thought;it is probably easier than than escape, or that is what she thought before this whole situation with befriending grady and just in the nick of time really, he had just turned 18, and decided to sell off the inheritance from his grand- father from a couple years ago,so now that it was all a done deal, since grady would need someone to guide him to keep his ass out of trouble,and he knew it,also, she had been saving up herself, waitressing at the stardust, having to fake that she was flattered by those old,property owning goats and their and their flirts,grady once said that they had to be pathetic,as if you could look at sophia and not see a lesbian,even if you didnt know what a lesbian looked like,sophia looked like one,that ws gradys assumption, at least.and that wasnt even one of gradys worst jibes;once he referred to her as "sofa" or said she could pass for pete roses brother.
but sophia knew he was testing friends, to see how loyal they were,and sohia was going to be loyal at least untill they were setteled,he was her ticket out,and already,they had driven to twin falls before to look at trailers, they think they found the best they could get at that price range, grady sold his property for fairly cheap,fifteen grand,and itll be the small amount that sophia saved up that will pay for the trailer space rent and food until the two of them get jobs there.
just then,sophia herd grady cursing,his head underneath the tarp,'we need the fucking casette tapes or we'll go nuts,'he said.grady stepped in wih a hand full of tapes for the tape deck, his thin index finger pushing a copy of "the best of rod stewart,volume one" into the deck,sophia starts the pickup and they pull out of her drive way,preparing for the newest chapter in their lives.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
MALHUER chapter one,part one
now the boxes were packed tightly and securely in the back of the pickup,covered with a tarp in case of rain and secured with bungee cords.
"thats it" sophia said as she packed one last box underneathe the already hulkingmass making the chevy nova look like some kind of mechanical camel as she and grady prepared to traverse the desert of south east oregon to some oasis in idaho,she never really thought it would be with someone like grady, this 18 year old guy,kind of a screw up, begining an uphill battle with a downward spiral,she had seen this kinda thing before,perfectly aware that he probably had no ideawhat direction he was going in like some lemming into the water,to be swallow up and have his husk tossed to the shore of the world,even if he is still breathing and twitchinghe will not be who he was,not as able toto focus or think as well as he could before,and it didnt seem like those were particular favorite passtimes of his,anyway, so if hehe ever decided to grow up,if he had the chance,f he didnt end up in a pine box before he turns 20,stumbling through anykind of education was going to be even more of an obstacle courseand he will be even less up to it,even less than now,she thought as she looked at him,confused eyes and greying skin furthered by his weight loss she swears he must weigh 10 or 15pounds less than when she 1st met him, and that was only four months ago.
No, she was hoping thatwhen she finally made her escape,it would be with a girlfriend;hoping she would be able to obtain as much,in the two years since she realised who she was,or as the rednecks would say WHAT she was;to hell with them,she thoughtthere were others like her here,she knew it,but she also knew it was hard to find those who would admit it,other than the hefty,bull dyke typesand she wasnt interested in them,i mean if your interested in girls, she rationalised,wouldnt it be most logical to appeal to other girls who like girls by being femenine,not like a man ,muscular and unlike a woman? she looked herself over in the mirror at night,over many nights,actually;to herself she admitted that you could kinda classify her as a bit of the bull-dyke lesbian,not that she was a weight lifter or anything;but she had some extra baggage and her hair never really would allow itself to be styled,so she just left it out in a pony tail and often wore a baseball cap or to take away further from her femeninity, a john-deere cap.
she theorised that such feelings of alienation were what made her feel close to grady brown.
he was another local freak,only she didnt do quite as well in the flaunting of it as well as grady did, he ofter decared himself to be proud to be immoral,immorral by these peoples standards,at least;fuck morality if you consider christianity to be the main conduit of morality,he would say as he pointed out what he percieved to be hippocracies,the wealthier folk about town(although calling anyone in a town of less than 1900 wealthy may be a bit of a stretch of the imagination)he would say they all had a lotta balls to be chastising him andhis addictions or whatever percieved deviation he partook,while they would spend their saturday nights on the town pickling their livers and picking up prostitutes,some of whom grady says are cousins of his,making nasty in their pickups and not hesitating to smack their wives aroundif they asked where they had been that night with a little too much accusation in their voices,but always up and ready for church on a sunday morning.
grady never really made an effort to hide his utter disgust of christianity,in fact, he flaunted it like a trophy of some sort,and maybe for him it was;sophia had heard that gradys father claimed to be a christian,and the stories about gradys fatherwere things she didnt even want to contemplate,maybe that was why grady was such a train wreck, the whole idea that someone can have his mind and in someways,his body marked by things that make people want to vomit if they even hear only part of the story,maybe that was the story with grady:he had puked awayany compassion towardspeople who were trying to life in a strait-and narrow manner,using the same methods his father always claimed to adhere to,and with his body and soul purged of the ability to care about people there was a hollowness and that was what he embraced,that nothingness,that was god to him,he proclaimed,somewhat off the mark of any recognised religion or philosophy,like zen or atheism,or even satanism,although the last one didsome kind of appeal to grady,perhaps it was just to appear being the exact opposite of these people,gradyalways wore black,saying it was symbolic of the nothingness inside of him,but he would also use a permanent marker and draw a pentagrma on his handand enjoyed flashing it to the little old ladies dressed in white on their way to church on sunday mornings, have fun in my house, he would say to them. sophia wondered how grady would keep himself entertained in twin falls
"thats it" sophia said as she packed one last box underneathe the already hulkingmass making the chevy nova look like some kind of mechanical camel as she and grady prepared to traverse the desert of south east oregon to some oasis in idaho,she never really thought it would be with someone like grady, this 18 year old guy,kind of a screw up, begining an uphill battle with a downward spiral,she had seen this kinda thing before,perfectly aware that he probably had no ideawhat direction he was going in like some lemming into the water,to be swallow up and have his husk tossed to the shore of the world,even if he is still breathing and twitchinghe will not be who he was,not as able toto focus or think as well as he could before,and it didnt seem like those were particular favorite passtimes of his,anyway, so if hehe ever decided to grow up,if he had the chance,f he didnt end up in a pine box before he turns 20,stumbling through anykind of education was going to be even more of an obstacle courseand he will be even less up to it,even less than now,she thought as she looked at him,confused eyes and greying skin furthered by his weight loss she swears he must weigh 10 or 15pounds less than when she 1st met him, and that was only four months ago.
No, she was hoping thatwhen she finally made her escape,it would be with a girlfriend;hoping she would be able to obtain as much,in the two years since she realised who she was,or as the rednecks would say WHAT she was;to hell with them,she thoughtthere were others like her here,she knew it,but she also knew it was hard to find those who would admit it,other than the hefty,bull dyke typesand she wasnt interested in them,i mean if your interested in girls, she rationalised,wouldnt it be most logical to appeal to other girls who like girls by being femenine,not like a man ,muscular and unlike a woman? she looked herself over in the mirror at night,over many nights,actually;to herself she admitted that you could kinda classify her as a bit of the bull-dyke lesbian,not that she was a weight lifter or anything;but she had some extra baggage and her hair never really would allow itself to be styled,so she just left it out in a pony tail and often wore a baseball cap or to take away further from her femeninity, a john-deere cap.
she theorised that such feelings of alienation were what made her feel close to grady brown.
he was another local freak,only she didnt do quite as well in the flaunting of it as well as grady did, he ofter decared himself to be proud to be immoral,immorral by these peoples standards,at least;fuck morality if you consider christianity to be the main conduit of morality,he would say as he pointed out what he percieved to be hippocracies,the wealthier folk about town(although calling anyone in a town of less than 1900 wealthy may be a bit of a stretch of the imagination)he would say they all had a lotta balls to be chastising him andhis addictions or whatever percieved deviation he partook,while they would spend their saturday nights on the town pickling their livers and picking up prostitutes,some of whom grady says are cousins of his,making nasty in their pickups and not hesitating to smack their wives aroundif they asked where they had been that night with a little too much accusation in their voices,but always up and ready for church on a sunday morning.
grady never really made an effort to hide his utter disgust of christianity,in fact, he flaunted it like a trophy of some sort,and maybe for him it was;sophia had heard that gradys father claimed to be a christian,and the stories about gradys fatherwere things she didnt even want to contemplate,maybe that was why grady was such a train wreck, the whole idea that someone can have his mind and in someways,his body marked by things that make people want to vomit if they even hear only part of the story,maybe that was the story with grady:he had puked awayany compassion towardspeople who were trying to life in a strait-and narrow manner,using the same methods his father always claimed to adhere to,and with his body and soul purged of the ability to care about people there was a hollowness and that was what he embraced,that nothingness,that was god to him,he proclaimed,somewhat off the mark of any recognised religion or philosophy,like zen or atheism,or even satanism,although the last one didsome kind of appeal to grady,perhaps it was just to appear being the exact opposite of these people,gradyalways wore black,saying it was symbolic of the nothingness inside of him,but he would also use a permanent marker and draw a pentagrma on his handand enjoyed flashing it to the little old ladies dressed in white on their way to church on sunday mornings, have fun in my house, he would say to them. sophia wondered how grady would keep himself entertained in twin falls
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